


Pain

by orphan_account



Category: Saturday Night Live, Saturday Night Live RPF
Genre: Angst, Caring friends, Michael Che Needs a hug, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:48:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22286641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Relationships: Michael Che & Colin Jost
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Pain

Michael sat on his bathroom floor, breathing deeply. He stared at his hands, his arms. He sunk down more, burying his face in his hands.

After several minutes, he sat back up, opening his bathroom cabinet and reaching for a package, pulling it out. He reached into it, grabbing a blade out of it, before placing the package back in the cabinet. Taking off his hoodie, he sat up and positioned the razor where he wanted it to be, pressing down until he felt blood begin to roll down his arm. Then, picking it up, he moved it down slightly, making another gash. He looked down at his arm. WASTE, it read.

“Michael?” He heard Colin shout from the doorway, door closing behind him.

“Just a minute, shaving!” He responded, getting up. Turning on the sink, he lowered his arm in next the water, wincing at the sharp sting, then smiling bitterly at the pain.

As he was bending down to grab bandages, he heard a gasp. He spun around to see Colin staring at him, well, staring at his arm. His eyes shot up, pinning Michael in place. “Michael, what’s going on?” he asked, eyes moving back to his arm.

Silently, Michael grabbed the bandages. After wrapping them around the cuts, he put on his hoodie, and gently grasped Colin’s arm, bringing him to the living room, where the both sat down.

After a moment of silence, Colin staring at Michael’s arm in horror, Michael sighed, turning to fully face Colin on the couch. “Alright, out with it.” Colin looked at him, confusion evident. “You either have questions or a lecture, and either way, it’s not gonna do either of us any good for you to sit there overthinking them. So, out with it.”

Colin looked up at him, his blue eyes searching for answers. “Why? Why would you do this?”

Micael had expected this question and sighed. “Colin, this has been going on since late high school. I was scared, and frustrated, and I needed someone to take it out on, and the first person I saw was me. So, I started small, cuts on my legs, ones that could easily be explained away as childhood scars. I just...never stopped. That was the latest truth.”

Colin leaned forward, eyes glistening. “But it’s not true! Michael, you are so many things, but a waste isn’t one of them. You’re smart, and funny, and caring, and honest. Nobody that is loved is a waste.”

Michael smiled sadly. “That’s the thing, though. Nobody loves me.”

Colin smiled sadly, pulling his friend into a hug. “So many people love you. If it takes my entire life to show that to you, it’ll be worth it.”

The duo sat in the hug for a long time, soaking up the comfort the other provided. Eventually Colin pulled away, and Michael followed suit, sitting up straighter.

“You good, Michael?” Colin asked, checking the time.

Michael offered a small smile, and nodded, standing up and stretching. “Yeah, I’m good. Go home, I’ll see you in a few hours.” Colin smiled, and with one last hug, Colin headed home, head still filled with questions he was scared to ask.

Colin had always been a people person. That being said, when Michael had suggested a customized Do Not Disturb function on his phone for when he went to bed, he did not object. He got too little sleep to begin with, he really didn’t want people interrupting what he did get.

So, when Colin woke up the next morning to his phone ringing, he was worried to say the least. He fumbled around, finding his phone quickly and pressing accept.

“Hello, is this Colin Jost?” asked a woman on the other side of the phone.

“Yeah.” Colin replied confused. He checked the contact on the screen. Yup, that was definitely Michael’s picture. “Who is this?”

“My name is Dr. Jackson. Sir, I’m afraid that Mr. Che is currently in the hospital.”

“Wait, WHAT?” Colin shouted, scrambling around his room to get things ready. His keys, headphones, extra pair of sneakers, and some candy were all shoved in a bag for Michael as Colin looked around the apartment for his shoes.

“Sir, his neighbor found him in the hallway overdosed from some kind of drug and reportedly shouting your name.” 

Colin found his shoes and ran out the door, hailing the first taxi he saw and giving him the address before turning back to the lady. “How is he? Is he—“ Colin couldn’t bring himself to say it.

“Mr. Che is expected to pull through.” Colin sighed in relief.

“Ok, thank you. I’m on my way. Just—call me if anything happens?”

“Of course, sir.”

Colin hung up the phone and looked dazedly out the window. This all felt like a nightmare.

The cab driver pulled up to the hospital. Colin threw some money that he had in the bag, and sprinted out of the car and into the hospital, spooking some of the people in the waiting room.

“Michael Che. What room is Michael Che in?” He asked the lady at the front desk. In the back of his mind he felt a little guilty for being so rude, but he was sure that she wouldn’t hold it against him. He made a mental note to apologize later anyway.

“Umm, Michael Che is still in surgery sir. You can wait out here until he is out, or leave and come back.” Colin nodded, going to sit down in one of the waiting room chairs. He had just enough energy left from his adrenaline high to text Kate to tell her that he and Michael wouldn’t be making it to work for the next couple of days before falling asleep.

He woke up to a doctor shaking him awake. “Excuse me, are you Mr. Jost?” 

He nodded, standing up and shaking her offered hand. “How is he?”

She smiled. “Michael is fine, he’s in room 302. He should be awake any minute now if you want to go see him.”

Colin thanked her swiftly then walked as fast as he could to room 302.

When he got there, he paused at the doorway, knocking the Frozen knock before walking in. 

Michael lifted his head to see who it was before dropping of back down on his pillows. “Colin, you’re here.” He smiled tiredly, turning his head to face Colin as he sat down in the chair beside the bed.

“‘Course I’m here. Who else would bring you sneakers and Kendrick?” He said as he plugged the headphones in and offered them to Michael, selecting a playlist that he made specially for Michael.

“I knew I was friends with you for a reason.” Michael grinned as he settled back, the music so loud that Colin could hear it. They stayed like that for a while, Michael drumming out the beat on Colin’s arm.

Eventually Colin spoke up. “What happened, Michael?” He hadn’t expected Michael to hear him, hadn’t even paused the music, but Michael turned to him, his hand pausing in its steady beat. The other reached up to take out the earbuds.

“Why’d you do it?” Colin whispered, gripping Michael’s hand tight.

“I didn’t mean to, I swear. I just meant to do one hit, that was it. But then, I kept hearing these voices telling me to...ya know, and I didn’t want to hear them, so I took some more. But I still heard them so I took some sleeping pills, but turns out, they don’t mix very well.”

Colin sighed. “Michael, promise me something.”

“Anything.”

“Next time you hear the voices, call me.” Blues eyes met brown eyes, and they locked in an unspoken agreement. “Good. Now, scoot over. If I’m going to be here all day, I’m at least getting some quality cuddling in.”

Michael rolled his eyes, but obliged, lifting an arm up to allow Colin to cuddle against his side. Putting a hand in Colins hair, he allowed himself to drift into a sleep filled with dreams of the future.


End file.
